Glimpses of Light in the Darkness
Hello from room #3322 at Sarah Cannon Cancer Institute! This is my 4th day here with hopes of being discharged tomorrow. Getting here has been no fun at all. Along with a severe attack of Sinusitis, it was also clear that I am dealing with some Graft vs Host Disease (GVHD), a common illness among transplant patients that will literally take your breath away and cause all other kinds of issues. The good news is that my breathing has got a whole lot better, my liver numbers a continues to trend in the right direction, and my sinusitis is finally beginning to clear up — though the doc said it may take a little more time for my ears to clear up. Today, however, is the best I have felt in weeks. I even managed to jolt to the door of my room and back to me seat and felt good about it. THAT WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED THE DAY I GOT HERE! Crazy, right!?!?
As I said, the journey to get to this been has been no fun at all and it’s been going on for close to 7 weeks now. Yet, with all the aches and pains, tanking counts, and struggles to breathe, it’s been a true blessing to be back at Sarah Cannon. While I didn’t want to have to be hospitalized, IT HAS BEEN GREAT! There have been several glimpse of light in the darkness which only comes from my “Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17). To say that God has been faithful doesn’t quite equate to the thanksgiving I have in my heart for His goodness to me. In the dark, He is always there to remind me of His presence — showing me glimpses of light shinning only from His grace towards me. Here are a few examples from the beginning…
An Urgent Visit
The day I was admitted a very dear friend found out and he drove 75 miles to come see me. I was surprised when he walked in the door. He said, “Pastor, I just had to see you before you were admitted. I felt overwhelmed in my spirit to come and pray with you and tell you everything was going to be ok.” Aside from the visit — which alone was a beautiful 30 minutes together, he said when he got here, he had no idea where he was going so he stopped a random nurse in the hallway and ask if she knew where Eric Puschmann was, the nurse said, “You mean the Pastor!” My friends said, “yes” and she said “we love him” and showed him the way. What glimpses of light! Thank you Sam for the visit. I’ll never forget it. AND YES, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK!
Family Reunion
When I got to my room, the first 2 days were like a family reunion! It was a warm-hearted blessing to see many of the nurses and other medical staff who took care of me during my transplant stay in December/January. I even got to visit with Savannah who did my transplant on December 13th. What a joy it was to see her and the others and catch up on life. My heart was overwhelmed. Glimpses of light everywhere!
The Charge Nurse
Yesterday, when the charge nurse saw my name on her list she said she yelled out, “Pastor Pusch is here!” She was so excited to get to my room! We had a great little visit and it was just fun to reminisce a little. It was another glimpse of light.
GUESS WHO’S HERE?!?!?
Over the last year I’ve gotten to share my story with a countless number of people. A part of that story is about a gentleman I met during my month stay here during transplant. In case you haven’t heard this part of the story, I used to pass a gentleman in hall as we would complete our daily laps around 3 North. We didn't say much as we were both completely focused on our laps and probably not having any accidents. Well, after we were both discharged from the hospital, I was see him in clinic EVERY week. So me, who has never met a stranger, walked over to him to formally introduce myself to he and his wife. We both remembered each other and come to find out we shared the same AML Leukemia diagnosis. One day, while we were talking, I simply asked if I could pray for him and his wife. The shock and joy on their faces — that a big stranger like me would care enough to love them and pray for them was worth asking and to get to talk to Lord on behalf my new friend was even better!
Well, after a few months, I was turned back over to my OG — my original oncologist with TN Oncology and until now it’s been just over 2 months since I’ve been to Sarah Cannon and over 2 months since I’ve gotten to see my friend and his wife. When we got here, I looked at my wife and said, “Wouldn’t that be something if Chuck and Amelia were here?” We both smile big and let out a little laughter. On day two, I was talking to my nurse, Kendall and I said, “Hey, you might not be able to tell me this, but there wouldn’t happen to be an older may admitted right now whose name is Chuck and his wife’s name is Amelia?” Kendall smiled real big and said, “I don’t know, maybe.” Then next thing I know is she came back with Chuck’s contact information and said, “Chuck told me to tell you he is here and here is his contact information.” YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! While we can’t visit while here (protocol and all), I exchanged a note with him in return with my information and letting him know we love he and Amelia and are continuing to pray for them! CHUCK AND AMELIA ARE HERE! TALK ABOUT A BEAM OF LIGHT! I’m not a pew runner, but I could be!
God Loves You
I didn't sleep very well last night, but it was divine. Lainey was my graveyard nurse last night — she was one of our regulars during my long stay during transplant, and another nurse that Rena and I have come to love very much. She is one of the sweetest people we’ve every met. Last night she asked me how things have been going. I shared with her a bit and then became talking about what a blessing it has been to be back (for many of the reasons listed above) and shared with her that only God could have orchestrated all this to fall into place — even this conversation. I shared with her that while I care not to every walk this Leukemia journey again, I am thankful for it and it’s been worth it because of all the new people God has placed in my life as a result… including you (Lainey). I would have never been able to love and pray with the number of people we’ve been able to had I never been diagnosed with cancer. What a blessing!
At that time, my IV meds were ready, so she ran out of the room, grabs my meds, and returned to the room. After she hooked up my I.V. I looked at her and said, “Lainey, I have to tell you one more thing.” I grabbed her by the hand and she placed her other hand on mine and I said, “I just want to let you know that I love you and I want to thank you for taking such good care of me and that you serve a great purpose. BUT, more than that, I want you to know that God loves you more than anything.” She shook her head yes and I said, “I just wanted to remind you and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to let you know.” With tears in her eyes, she squeezed my hand and simply said, “I love you too. Thank you. I needed that.” And, with that, she was off to see another patient. The light of heaven shined brightly in my dark room.
Friends, there’s glimpses of light even in the darkness — taps of God’s grace on the shoulder as a reminder that you are not forsaken nor forgotten. Are you looking for them? Don’t get so trapped in the darkness that it blinds you from seeing the light of the Lord shinning through even your toughest moments. YOU ARE LOVED!
To God Be The Glory,
Pastor Pusch
