7 Steps on Dealing With Church Hurt
Today’s post is sort of a “part 2” to Monday’s post on Thom Rainer’s article “5 Ways to Hurt Your Pastor.” You can read that post HERE!
A tragic reality that exists in the church is HURT. While these things ought not be, wherever people are involved depravity follows. It’s our fallen nature and on this side of eternity, it will rear its ugly head from time to time. You can blame a lack of discipleship or spiritual immaturity, but ultimately it comes down to our fallen nature. HOWEVER, our sinful nature SHOULD NEVER serve as an excuse for sin. You’ve heard it said, “Oh, that’s just how he or she is,” or “they're just mean — it’s just how he/she is.” If those statements are made about an unbeliever, fine. BUT, they should never be said of a transformed believer in Christ Jesus. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.” — 2 Corinthians 5:17. As you have been reconciled to God, you have been restored — refashioned as a new creation in Christ Jesus. The transformation that occurs in Christ, transcends the “norm” — the fallen nature.
Yet, we recognize the identity crisis of the “old man” vs. the “new man” — the “old creation” vs. the “new creation” in Christ. We know the “old man” (the flesh) would love nothing more that to snuff our the “the man” (the spirit) and take you back to your “old creation” ways. Thus, Paul exhorts us in Colossians 3 to continually “put off the old man” and “put on the new” — to put to death the old creation, and rise up as a new creation in Christ Jesus! This act of “putting off” and “putting on” is present active, meaning that it’s not a one time act, but something we need to do continually. I had a Bible teacher growing up who told us that every morning when he would wake up he would pray, “Holy Spirit, help me put off the old and put on the new.” It was a deliberate and intentional action he took every morning.
It’s the constant battle between the “old” and the “new” that messes everything up. We give into the flesh more often than we should — at least I know that’s true for me, but I think I have some honest readers who would make the same confession. It’s the flesh that brings discord and division and prompts church hurt. Sadly, it happens. While the church should be the safest place for people to “work out their salvation,” it can be a most difficult place to do so. If the church can’t be a place for people to find grace — to find help and healing — to unburden themselves of the weight of life — to mess up — to find mercy — to find forgiveness — to find rest from the weary world, THEN WHY EXIST AT ALL? It’s the not healthy that need a doctor, but the sick. But, the sad reality is, the church can be full of undue judgement and harsh criticism from many who refuse to see the plank in their own eyes. Thus, church hurt exists. So, here’s the real purpose for my post today. How do you deal with church hurt? Allow me to offer these 7 steps and then following it up with a little bit of encouragement.
7 Steps On Dealing With Church Hurt
Go to God First!
The presence of God must be our first priority and not our last resort! God cares about your hurts, what burdens you, and there no better place than to take your cares before the Lord to find grace and mercy in the time of need (Hebrews 4:16). Also, when you unburden yourself before the Lord, you are leaning upon His understanding and not your own. You're trusting His lead and not your own (Proverbs 3:5-6). When hurt, we tend to make irrational decisions making matters worse. Only when we seek God’s wisdom do we truly find the resolve our wounded hearts need.
Check Your Emotions.
Your feelings are REAL! Do not suppress them or bottle them up. Instead, acknowledge them and process them in a healthy and biblical way — through the lens of God’s Word. We’re not only called to place our actions under the Lordship of Jesus, but our mind, soul, and spirit. It’s ok the express your feelings so long as the expressions are pleasing to the Lord. “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22)
Seek Wisdom and Counsel.
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20). Go ahead and read all of Proverbs 19 and be filled. Learn from the experience, seek wise biblical counsel from a trusted pastor, mentor, or close friend. “In the abundance of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14)
Establish Solid Boundaries.
One the way to protect yourself is by setting boundaries that can safeguard you from future hurts. You may need to evaluate some of the relationships in your life that may be toxic to your mental/emotional well-being. Setting boundaries may require you to limit your interactions with individuals who consistently bring you down and bring hurt to your life. “Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it; do not go on til turn away from it and pass one… Keep your heart will vigilance, for from it flow the springs of the life.” (Proverbs 4:14-15;23)
Forgive.
“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors… For if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:12;14-15). Forgiveness is a powerful virtue. There’s great freedom in forgiveness. It frees us from the bondage of hurt. You may never get the apology, but you can always give the forgiveness. The apology is not on you, but forgiveness is. Jesus’ words tells us that we are more like our Heavenly Father when we forgive others. That’s not a bad comparison! “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Stay Focused.
Keep your eyes on Jesus who started you and will keep you on this journey (Hebrews 12:2). You have a God-given purpose! Don’t lose sight of it! Hurts will come and go — it’s a sad reality, but God’s purpose for your life is constant and eternal. Stay true to mission and vision of your life. Remind yourself of your purpose in Christ everyday — every morning. In victory and defeat, keep pressing on! “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one think I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14)
Choose Wisely.
You are the company you keep. In other words, surround yourself with people who seek to build you up in the faith — those who you can confide in and trust, and those from whom you can walk this journey of faith together. Along with this, dive off the deep end in your involvement with your Local Church. Not only can you build community there to do life together, but ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction as you serve Christ and His Church. “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” (Romans 12:10-12)
Remember And Be Encouraged
“Your labor is not in vain.”
My beloved brother or sister, you have great purpose in you serving the Lord! There is no better work in life than to live it for the Lord!
God sees you!
There is not a sparrow that drops to the ground where our Heavenly Father is not aware and you are of more value than the birds of the air! He is mindful of you my friends!
Rest in His care!
There is no better place to be than in the Shepherd’s care wrapped in His marvelous grace, tender mercy, and unfailing love. “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” (Psalm 23:1)
If you have experienced hurt in your ministry — maybe you’re going through it right now, I would love to talk to you. I would love to pray with you and offer you any support that I can. CLICK HERE to schedule a video conference session. The sessions are FREE and confidential. YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU SERVE A GREAT PURPOSE! Don’t fall victim to undue hurts and pains. Let’s walk this road together! I hope to talk with you soon!
To God Be The Glory,
PastorPusch
