I Am Not My Own: Cancer and God’s Glory

I Am Not My Own: Cancer and God’s Glory 

(A humble attempt at writing a Theology of Cancer from my perspective)

 This Is My Story, but Not the Whole Story

The chorus of the old hymn written by Fanny Crosby in 1873 goes, “This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long.” I can hear those words ringing triumphantly in my head even now. While I’ve certainly been through many of life’s woes, the most recent have been two diagnoses of cancer within a four-year period. In August of 2022, I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia and then just under two months ago at the end of August 2026, doctors discovered I have pancreatic cancer and while this is a part of my life’s story, it certainly doesn’t define the story. 

God in his great mercy healed me of leukemia by way of medicine and a stem cell transplant. The road was long and extremely difficult. I wish I could say that fear never won over, but that would be far from the truth. There was a lot of uncertainty and many dark days in the journey and while my faith stayed upon the Lord, it was only stayed on Him because of Him. Not only was I more frail in body, cancer and treatments have an awful way of draining you in mind and spirit as well. But God was, is, and continues to be faithful. Not because I was healed, but because He sustained me. 

As the psalmist wrote in Psalm 23, the Lord led me beside still waters and into green pastures, restored my soul, and remained close through the darkest valleys. He cared for me through many people: my wife— my greatest warrior and champion; a devoted circle of family and friends; and the hands and feet of Jesus—the body of Christ, His church. 

Back in the Valley

Today, I’m just over a month into this pancreatic diagnosis. After a failed attempt to simply remove the cancer upfront via surgery, the procedure was stopped. The tumor was larger than what the scanned images revealed. It was only after the surgeon went in that we discovered this tumor was in fact pancreatic cancer. Now, the hope is treatments then surgery in a few months. Even in all this, the promise is the same— God was, is, and will continue to be faithful. If in His mercy, healing comes, then praise the Lord! Yet, if this is something I will have to endure, then I can and will praise the Lord because He is faithful and He is with me in the valley!

“…let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…” - Hebrews 10:22-24

Fighting for Healing from a Victory Already Won

Please don’t misunderstand me, I want to be healed. I believe God can bring about healing again through miracle or medicine. I want to fight and will fight this terrible word called “cancer,” but hear me closely, the battle has already been won!  Piper, in his book “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” reminded me that “Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ.” What a thought! With that statement in mind, let me be clear, the fight is real, the healing is prayed for, but the win is already settled because cherishing Christ cannot be taken away, whether the surgery comes or the outer self keeps wasting away.   

I Am Not My Own

Friends, my life is not my own. Paul the Apostle wrote, “You are not your own, for you have been bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)! Evidence of a blessed life is not physical healing, comfort, or simplicity. Evidence of a blessed life is one that can sing these words, come what may: “I’m praising my Savior all the day long.” God is most glorified not by clean scans or physical healing. “He is most glorified when we are satisfied in Him” (Piper, Desiring God)… come what may! Jesus is worthy whether the tumor shrinks, enlarges, or disappears.

Elsewhere, Paul wrote, “For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s” (Romans 14:7-8). For me, that’s bottom-line theology. Whether in life or death, GLORIFY GOD! “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31)! Writer and Speaker, Joni Eareckson Tada (quadriplegic and breast cancer survivor) said, “Isn’t that the bottom line? That Jesus gets the glory, whether I jump out of my wheelchair… or whether I continue smiling in my chair.” 

Cancer East of Eden

Friends, I am no Job, but his words are profound. In rebuke of his wife’s position to just curse God and die after losing everything, Job said, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10). The same God was present in all the good is here in the calamity as well! I do not have all the answers, but I do know this: calamity is part of life east of Eden.  

Cancer Is Not a Verdict on the Sufferer

When sin entered the world, it did not merely stain a few private lives. It ruptured the creation God had called good. “Just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men” (Romans 5:12). The wages of that sin is death, and death has been working its way through everything since — bodies, relationships, even the earth’s ground. Cancer is one of the ways a fallen creation harms people made in God’s image. It is not a verdict on the person who receives the scan, but a verdict of the fall of creation itself. Jesus agreed. When the disciples asked whose sin had caused a man’s blindness, Jesus said, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents” (John 9:3). The whole creation groans (Romans 8:20–22) at the brokenness caused by sin and I am groaning with it. That is not the same as saying God has abandoned what He made, or that this tumor is payment for some hidden sin of mine. I don’t know why God permits some things or physically heals at times. What I do know is that He is Sovereign over all things and He has never abandoned His creation. I know He is above all things! I know that He hasn’t left His creation to simply deal with it or to put it more plainly, just to suffer and die. I know that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). 

I also know that God’s thoughts are “precious” towards me and that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139). I love what Pastor and Author Tim Keller said after his diagnosis, “I have Stage IV pancreatic cancer. But it is endlessly comforting to have a God who is both infinitely more wise and more loving than I am. He has plenty of good reasons for everything he does and allows that I cannot know, and therein is my hope and strength.” To that I say, “Amen!”

Treasure in Jars of Clay

At best, we are all broken vessels and cracked pots. We all have fractures of various sizes each with varying degrees of hurt and pain. However, all is not lost because it’s through those broken pieces, those chips, and cracks that God’s glory shines through. Paul said it like this, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Corinthians 4:7). My life is not my own. It is God’s and God’s alone. In our fragility, we long for the Day of the Lord! The ending to 2 Corinthians 4 says this, “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. Friends, the eternal begins now! The eternal has been made possible by the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the cross. At the cross is where all things meet their match. It’s the blood of Jesus and His finished work on the cross that has the final say over any calamity or cancer. 

Joy That Will Not Stay Quiet

Here is where I have had to learn the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness depends on the scan, the lab report, the night of sleep. Joy does not. Peter wrote to believers who were already in the fire: “Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory” (1 Peter 1:8). That joy is not found by looking harder at the trouble. It is found by looking at Christ.

Where is it found? Not in the absence of pain. Peter’s people were grieved by various trials. It is found in a Person we love and have not yet seen. The Spirit takes the things of Jesus and makes them near: His cross, where suffering was not wasted; His resurrection, where death lost the argument; His promise that glory is not a mood but a weight still coming (2 Corinthians 4:17). Why can it be found in days like these? Because the joy is in Him, and He does not leave the valley when it gets dark. Suffering does not create the glory. Suffering becomes the place where glory, already purchased, shines through. The outer self may waste away, but always remember, the inner self is being renewed. That is why a man can sit in a chair, or a hospital bed, and still say the joy is unspeakable. It is fuller than our vocabulary. It is full of glory because it is full of Christ.

I am not saying the tears stop. I am saying the tears are not the whole story. The same apostle who spoke of joy unspeakable also said we are born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Peter 1:3). Hope that lives can sit beside a tumor and still sing of glory of the Lord.

There is so much more I want to say, but perhaps I’ll close with some words from the prince of preachers when he said “When you go through a trial, the sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which you lay your head.”- Charles H. Spurgeon, A Wafer of Honey (Sermon). In the same line of thinking, he said, “Our infirmities become the black velvet on which the diamond of God’s love glitters all the more brightly.” - Charles H. Spurgeon

Pull Up a Chair

Friend, if you have found your way here, thank you from the bottom of my heart for readng. You do not have to have the right words, the strongest faith, or a clean explanation for why you came. Maybe you are carrying a diagnosis. Maybe someone you love is carrying that weight. Maybe you are simply tired of pretending you are fine. Pull up a chair. This was not a lecture from someone who has it all figured out. It is a testimony from man who still believes the old song is true...

“Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. O, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of Salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood! This is my story, this is my song, praising my savior all the day long.” (Blessed Assurance, Fanny Crosby, 1873)

Be Encouraged Today! YOU ARE LOVED!

PastorPusch 

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By the way, I stand in your corner. If you ever need an ear to hear, a heart to listen, or a mouth to pray, I am here for you. Please feel free to contact me anytime. Start here: pastorpusch@gmail.com. OR, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment below and say, “hello!” You are loved!